My Thank You

As I sit and ponder my life as I do a million times a day, my age begins to weigh on me.  I cannot say that things have turned out the way that I want them to nor can I say that I have faith that they will change. I can, however, say that I have grown more appreciation for those that are in it. 

I've had a lot of disappointment in my life. A lot of people leave more than they come and a lot of people prove not to be good fits for my little world.  I try not to be overly picky, but a life of heartache and disappointment has made it difficult not to be.   A lot of the people that should support me are....well, they have their lives to live and we'll leave it at that.  That is it, we live our lives the way that we feel is best and sometimes people get tossed to the side.

I'm not bitter about that. I use to be, but I'm not anymore.  I'm memorable or at least I appear to be.  People always seem to remember me, but I'm also that old memory that gets tucked away deep in the depths of the abyss.  I'm okay with that.  Not because I like feeling like an invisible wallflower or because I really am necessarily an invisible wallflower, but because for a minute in time I made enough of an impression to be that memory.

Sounds funny, I know.  It is not something that I would go around bragging about, but it is moments like this that have made me appreciate the people that have actually noticed that little wallflower in the midst of the many.  The people that for no reason at all have taken the time to support me even when they have no reason to.  The people that you least expect.  Those are the people that I've learned to appreciate it.

It is with that, that I sit here to write and to thank those people. Those that have been the unexpected surprises in the debris that I call life.  The stranger that has never met me, but has always managed to be one of my biggest supporters.  Those that barely know me and seem to appreciate my quirks enough to stand by my side.  Those are the people that have made my time worth it while managing to give me a little bit of renewed faith.  I don't tend to do cheesy and all heartfelt, but that is just the kind of mood that I am in.

I'm not going to purposely point out those that have not been amongst that list.  I'm not going to individually list those that are.  They know who they are in both cases.  I do extend my thank you to both sides.  They've both made me who I am or at least reassured me of who I want to be.  They've given me ground to grow and the backbone to stand my ground a little firmer.

I may be just an invisible wallflower.  Too many coats of paint to even see my outline, but the truth is that I do exist and there are those that notice.  I've noticed them to and they rock.  Thank all, but my "Those that notice me" I thank you even more.  You've given me enough faith for another day and I hope one day that I can do the same for you.


~smh~